Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Poetry slam

I did my first poetry slam tonight, a one-minute rap called "Fuck It" and another poem called "My Beautiful Right Shoe". There were 100 students there or so, I met some new people, people I knew and it was the right thing for me to be there tonight, I made some contacts and tomorrow is just two classes, I guess I'll get through it somehow and then I have 2 hours to get to the train station to go to Holland.

Cheers

Monday, October 29, 2007

Maggot/Crowes/Extended in Italy?

I think a maggot crawled out of my cereal this morning but I'm not sure. It was suddenly worming his way between my cereal and my coffee and I don't know exactly where he came from. Suddenly I lost my appetite but I guess you can understand that.

The Black Crowes were broadcast live on the web last night from New Orleans, it was really cool to see. They put on a good, albeit slightly sloppy show but they jammed and sounded great. I love technology when I can watch my favorite band perform live from the comfort of my bed. That was 11.45pm to 1am last night.

I had a great conversation with Chick A+ last night after the Crowes concert, about 1:15 am or so. It's better we've been talking less lately so we have more to talk about when we do talk. However, it was a bit tough because she said she might not be coming back this weekend, that she might stay another weekend to celebrate her birthday. Of course if that is what she wants to do, she should definitely do it and it's all good but I have been looking forward to seeing her again for nearly 3 weeks and I thought I was down to the last week but it could be even longer now. She did tell me, however, that if she is in Freiburg for her birthday, she wants to celebrate just with me which was a really nice consolation. I offerred to take her to France for her birthday which at least got her thinking about it, ya know? That would be sooo cool, leave Friday around lunch, maybe get to Colmar, visit two villages in the Alsace and spend the night in Ribeauville one night and maybe another night in Riquewihr or even just two nights in the same place would be fun. I have a feeling that Chick A+ and I would have a great time travelling together and I think our "relationship" is much stronger when it is not influenced by the outside world. That's probably one reason why she hasn't invited me to come to visit her in Italy, because the intimacy that we have developed might be a little strange for her friends to see when she's mentioned very little about it. I totally understand, I just wish she was coming back on Sunday. She might but it definitely sounds like she wants to stay there but we'll see.

I'm still getting over the maggot thing but at least I have 2.5 hours before I get picked up for work, right?

Wednesday off to Amsterdam!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Spirituality

There is a certain fatalism to existence, the eventual understanding that death is inevitable. Death nullifes existence and therefore existence is temporary. How a person deals with the acceptance of this temporary-ness is their spirituality. I choose to try and make life as manageable, enjoyable, relaxed, interesting, challenging and rewarding as possible. That comes from a healthy mixture of planning things in the future and living in the moment at the moment, as Aldous Huxley wrote, "Attention, attention boys and girls, attention, here and now, here and now." I try to put myself in positions to relish in the moment, to know that this moment is something that will talked about at some other time when I need down-time. You cannot always live in the moment, you'll exhaust yourself. But you can try and recognize the moment when it's happening and go with it, like being aware in a dream and trying to influence it a bit. The second important part of my spirituality is a representation of my existence, whether it be through photography, writing, event-planning, music, expression.

Another epic holiday has been booked

I don't have all of the flights yet but I used United Miles to get a free flight to Los Angeles from Frankfurt July 25 to Sep 20th. That, my friends, is 8 weeks I have decided I will not be in Freiburg next summer. Hell, that's the whole summer! I am flying Frankfurt to Chicago to Orange County, and then planning on staying for a week before flying to Central America. I will spend approximately 5-6 weeks in Central America, hopefully booking an open jaw ticket so I don't have to backtrack, something like flying to Managua, Nicaragua and back from Guatemala or Belize, before flying back to California for another good week or so before going back to Germany.

Can you believe that? In the last week or so, I booked a 3-week trip to California for February/March and then also a two-month trip that will begin and end in California. Now that the flights are booked, that means something else tangential yet very important, namely that I will be in Freiburg until at least February 2009 now. I knew that I would at least be here for this semester and the summer semester leading up to the summer but I could have potentially made a drastic change in my life next summer if I wanted to. But then I thought why, things are going great for me here, I'm becoming a bigger fish in the same size pond. Okay, I'm no shark (hi Chick A+) but nonetheless not a guppie anymore! In order for me to pay for a two-month trip to Central America next summer, I need to know that I will be gainfully employed in October 2008. So that means I will work at least another semester after the summer semester next year. I know this info may not be too surprising but it is at least official now. It also means that I can better fix more holidays for 2008 because I know I will be working here in Freiburg all of next year.

That still leaves open about 10 days for Easter March 20-30th, another week around Pentacost which is May 11th and for sure a long weekend somewhere, maybe with a bunch of friends(?) for my birthday the end of May, like a Thursday to Sunday in Spain or something. Put those things together and that is already potentially 95 days of holiday thought of or booked for 2008. Holy shit baby, I think I need to commemorate the fact that a person making less than 30,000 dollars/year is going to repeatedly have 100+ days of vacation/year. I am so out of my mind, in terms of happiness for holiday booked but also, am I freakin' crazy? Is that what I want out of my life, living in a cheap apartment with students, not having a car, just so I can travel to far away places and sleep on people's sofas?

I guess we know the answer to that one, don't we? That is EXACTLY what I want out of my life right now. I'm 33 years old but still think I'm 25. Is that bad? I don't think so, especially because I have very few 33-year old type responsibilities (so far, thank god) and I can afford to live like this, especially it makes me happy, makes me think that I'm living a full life and what more can we ask from life?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

9 and the boot

I had 9 Jaegermeisters after dinner last night. Then later I drank a glass cowboy boot of beer. I was at the end of a concert around 1:30-2am and then went to another bar with like 3 buddies who were suddenly with a bunch of spanish chicks but they were in their own little world (or was it me who was in my own little world? hahaha). I walked to my bike and road it home, arriving a little after 4am.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

University/Rice

The university has started for me and it went pretty well. It's always a little difficult to stand in front of 20 somewhat well-educated people and convince them that I am more than qualified to help them further their education but I did fine. I have one more class today, the one with the international flair and then it's my weekend.

I hope to talk to Chick A+ this evening, we haven't spoken on the phone for a few days but that's because we're trying to have less contact so that we can treat our relationship more as a friendship, especially while she is away in Italy. I completely understand her feelings and am glad that she said that. Neither one of us wants to have a relationship right now and I don't want to blow it with her just because I'm calling her too much while she's in Italy. We have still had some text message contact, however. I am shocked, the poor girl still hasn't gotten her damn invitation for her job interview for her dream job in Italy at that government agency. I can't believe how those dumbshits are dragging their feet, they're starting to piss me off. The girl cannot concentrate on her life, at least the small part that includes me, while this other, more important part of her life is up in the air. Come on, you idiots, give the girl her interview. We all know she's gonna get the job. She's smart, confident, she's good with languages, has already worked there and is getting more training here in Freiburg. They are fools for not already having asked her to have the job, not to mention the fact that she and I were not able to go to France two weekends ago because of this job interview that hasn't happened yet. GrrrrRRRrrrr

On www.cspan.org, secretary of State Condoleeza Rice is testifying in front of the House Judiciary Committee on corruption on Iraq and it's a fascinating spectacle. I know it's a bit nerdy for many of you but I can't believe what some of our government officials are doing with our taxpayer money. I am so glad Henry Waxman exists, he is the one main thorn in the side of the Bush Administration and without him, things would not be as exposed as they are. There is so much corruption in Iraq, so much so that it is the 3rd most corrupt nation on earth and billions of taxpayer dollars have been wasted there. Get it together, and get on this shit, Waxman, come on buddy!

I'm meeting a friend around 10 tonight to play a little music and have a couple of beers, I need this weekend bad!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Dr. Christian Wolf

I learned this morning that one of my favorite students died last week. He was mountain biking by himself and had a heart attack. He had been a student of mine for at least 2 years, was always friendly and nice to me, interested in learning English and all this while being one of the best and most expensive lawyers in town. I already miss him, and I just wanted the outside world to know that we lost a good person recently and I hope the best for his family.

RIP Christian Wolf

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

8am to 8pm

It's true, I had some breaks in between but it was my first long day in about 3 months. My morning class went well, there is a new Polish girl in there (she has a boyfriend) who is super cute and interesting with a sexy, raspy voice and then. I then had to take the train for about an hour and then walk about 15 minutes to my "tie" class, the class I was wearing the tie for. It went well, all things considered, but some of them take advantage of the laid-back atmosphere in the class but we got through what I wanted to teach so I was happy. I napped a bit on the train back, came home, changed clothes and then and went and had a very satisfying dinner at Cheers (Schnitzel, french fries and salad) for 3,33euros. I love that place. I then went by O'Kellys to say hi to those working, went by the tram stop to see when my tram times home would be and then went to my new class.

There were too many people in there and so we're splitting it into two groups, the other being taught by an Englishman named Nick. In the class the following countries were represented: Estonia, Poland, Turkey, Georgia, Italy, France, Korea, Japan, China, Morocco, Ukraine, Russia, Kazahkstan, Chile, Bulgaria, Cameroon and the Ivory Coast! Crazy, right? The girl from France is drop dead gorgeous but her English ain't so good but that's why I am in her life, gell? hahaha

Monday, October 22, 2007

She's coming over

In this case, "she" is Assiyeah. She's coming over to watch "Lost" with my roommate. I told her today that maybe she and I could say hi, she could look at my room (formerly our room) and see how I decorated it and maybe I can get through two minutes of being in the same room with her without tearing up but it ain't likely and I started to feel something coming up just typing that.

But here's the thing. I have to get better. I mean that in different ways, I must get better and there is no way of me avoiding getting better so let's get it going. I decided that by asking her to knock on my door as she comes over, I can see her in a comfortable, private setting. We can keep our conversation brief and superficial and then she can go and watch television with my roommate. I have decided that by seeing her a few times, it can help desensitize me and so that at some point, we can actually be in the same room at a party and it won't be the worst feeling in the world.

I know this may not be the most interesting part of the blog but it is still my life. It's been exactly 3 months since Assiyeah left me. That's not a lot of time after a five-year relationship. I mean, shit, I could still be sitting in my pajamas and tearing up at the thought of her. Oh wait a sec, I am in my pajamas... But seriously, so much shit has happened to me in the past three months that I am a lucky guy. Let's make a quick list:
1)spent a month in the States where I saw a lot of old friends, visited some great cities and I met some damn cute women, even kissed one of them
2)went to Spain for 8 days with a great friend and had a blast
3)went to London to visit two old friends for a long weekend
4)had two photo exhibitions
5)dated a super cool chick the past five-six weeks

See what I mean? It's not just that I've been sitting at home in my pajamas the whole time and crying like a little girl who skinned her knee. Of course, that has happened a couple of times but I really did skin my knee! :)

I'll be in Amsterdam next weekend, promise to have more "interesting shit" to break down for ya'll, if I can remember it at all!

cheers

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sunday night

I'm chillin in my room by myself, listening to Ryan Adams live from July 14 of this year from Austin, Texas. The lights are all off and there are four candles on. I'm trying to have some "nest" time, thinking to myself, okay man, a lot of important work starts up again this week. A lot of shit has changed since you've last seen those people/jobs and you need to focus. I know a lot of weird crazy shit is happening in your life, you gotta suck it up and push through. Show the world that you still have dignity, that you can carry your chin high knowing that they know and yet you perservere, doing what it takes so that you know that you are doing your best. This week I let the outside world win. That doesn't happen too often and I didn't like it. I want the outside world to be an influence, not the one at the wheel of this ride that is my life. Fuck that shit. I'm still here, I got it going on, I just forget sometimes that what others think of me and how they treat me and weather and a million other inconsequential things are just that, that they are not part of me. They are only around me. That means that they're not inside.

I will do my best to be at my best this week, and that'll come from getting more sleep, drinking less and getting some exercise and trying to take my work the slightest bit seriously. I did that for an hour today getting some papers together for this week's classes. I haven't really had to do that for the past three months and it takes a little getting used to, ya know?

I'll let ya'll know how it goes...

Finally Sunday

This has been a long ass week for me, tough because of work and personal reasons and I'm still a bit sick and I'm just ready for it to be over. I talked to my roommate and we understand each other better and so that's good but I have had so many different emotions the past week, for sure my period is coming.

I haven't been sleeping enough, I've been going out too much, I haven't cared about work, I have just wanted what made me happy in that moment, regardless of consequences. It's a phase, I'm sure, I won't always be like this but I have felt really alone this week. I have hung out with some friends and that's been good for me but I had been hanging with Chick A+ a lot and to suddenly have that closeness gone has been difficult. It's funny, because she and I just sort of wanted it to be "friends with benefits" and it's probably still in that general category but definitely feelings (wide-ranging, not just obvious ones) have come into play. It's been really good for me to be able to hang out with her, have a good time, have a partner-in-crime so to speak, and someone to wake up with, go out to dinner with, just spend time with. The thing is, that's what I was looking for after Assiyeah broke up with me but I didn't expect it to be with such a special person. I'm sure Chick A+ and I are sort of meant to just be friends in the big scheme of things but she is a pretty amazing chick and I'm lucky that the first person I "date" after Assiyeah is her. I kind of thought I'd just have someone to hang out with, didn't really care who as long as she wasn't a bitch and was fun and I got a shitload more than that with Chick A+. But at the same time that's what has made this past week so difficult. I've gotten close to her, she's not my girlfriend and neither of us want that but I think she really needed someone to hang with and I needed the same and we just weren't bargaining for this experience. It's helped me immeasurably the past 6 weeks but I can see that it was also putting off other emotions that still need to dealt with. Yes, I'm doing fine but also I'm not. I'm alone, far from home, making lesson plans for courses I don't care about so much and all I kind of want to do is lie in bed and relax because I'm not feeling well but it's so much nicer to have someone to hang out with while lying in bed and not just someone but Chick A+. We seem to understand each other on a level that I was planning on getting to for quite some time. That's what has made it difficult because I didn't expect to get so close to someone, especially someone who is moving away in some months. But anyway, as Britney Spears said when asked why she was driving with her kid in th driver seat with her without a seatbelt, "it just is what it is, I guess." Indeed...

Summer is most definitely over here. I'm still under the weather, I have been in my head a lot lately and I haven't really enjoyed it per se. Hell, I met up with the drummer from the reggae band who is playing at the Groovement Festival at Swamp last night and I already had tears in my eyes because my roommates were going to Assiyeah's housewarming party and of course not only was I not invited but I didn't want to go. It just hits home when things that like that happen and I see just how different my life is. I mean, if Assiyeah were still here, I actually wouldn't be doing much differently but it just felt reassuring to have that person in my life, while she's on the bed reading stuff for class, and I'm organizing stuff for that week's work, maybe we don't even talk that much but at any moment I could go over and kiss her. I think she felt like we didn't kiss enough and I totally agreed with her. I guess she was hoping that I would change things about our relationship without me knowing what they were. I'm never gonna win that one so it makes it a bit easier to get over in that respect. But still, I need to spend this time a bit more reflectively and introspectively but really I just wanna have a good time and try not to think about it. I know it's not healthy but I'm just trying to get by. Isn't that what a lot of us are doing, just trying to get by? I know I'm doing better than that compared to most people but I have definitely felt lonely this week, far from home and somehow not part of the whole swing of things here. I'm floating baby but it's a damn good float.

I have organized my room to about 80% percent finished. I still don't know where I'm going to put the mirror, my desk is still a mess and I can never finish cleaning it, maybe because then I'll feel like I have nothing to do so I'm always leaving it somewhat unfinished.

I don't really want to change anything about my life besides some obvious stuff, like losing a bit of weight (15 pounds tops), and who knows what else. I like so much going on in my life but I know that I want to share it with someone. I talked to my roommate about that today, that at least I know that I am alone now but don't want to be alone. I want to share the triumphs of my life with someone. There is so much promise in the normalcy of my life. I mean, what more do I really want of my life? I have plenty of work, I'm progressing slowly but surely with my art, I have lots of trips planned, there are concerts to see, I'm in my favorite place on earth and it's full of college-age chicks. What more could I seriously want? And the answer is easy: someone I can share my life with. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't have to happen right now, and there is still some serious fun to be had in the next months but I just can't think that I'm not worth having, that somehow I don't have what it takes to attract a woman to me who can fall in love with me. I have lots of love left to give, it's slightly tainted now and manifests itself in being needy, clingy and irrationally jealous but that shit will subside with time. Don't get me wrong, I'm just letting you hear my train of thought. It's not as bad when you hang out with me because this shit is all inside, ya know?

So, like the title of the post, finally it's Sunday. This was a rough week for me and I'm glad that it's finally over. Next week is a new week. New classes start (8 to be exact) and I have a 3-day weekend and then I only have to work Monday-Wednesday the week after before going to Amsterdam for 4-5 days and then I come back on the same day as Chick A+ and if the gods have been thinking about me at all, they'll let the two of us hang out that night. I'm still not sure which god to pray too so I've kind of been covering all my bases by neglecting all of them. I hope they understand. God, you know which god I'm referring to, right?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

good and bad

There's actually a lot of negativity going on in my life: the government's trying to kick me out, I'm alone in this country, my roommate situation has not been the best lately (but it's somehow better right now) and blah blah blah

But I don't care. I'm going to keep living my life and trying to stay positive. Chick A+ actually wants me to show her my unhappy sides too. At first that didn't make sense at all but I've been thinking about it the past hour and I totally see what she means. The problem for her is that generally I'm a happy person but if she wants to see the other sides of me, I guess I can help her out. I just hope it doesn't backfire! hahahaah

I wrote a new rap called "Fuck it" this week while at work. It's pretty damn good actually...

Saturday

It's Saturday around 11.15am, definitely a little slower than I was 24 hours ago, brain cell depletage is running into the tens of thousands but that's okay, I didn't them anyway. It's the endorphin cells I need.

Last night got a little crazy with some teachers from the university. Saw some old students from that university I worked at 3 times this week and one of their friends was celebrating his birthday. There was pizza and beer and shots and then around 2.30am gregg and I ate Burger King. There were so many different kinds of drunk people in and around that place and it was international as well, quite the interesting scene.

Was on the phone with Chick A+ last night at 3.30am and we talked for like 2 hours. We're trying hard to keep it together because we want slightly different things out of time together and neither one of us is going to get exactly what he/she wants and it's going to be a testament to our budding friendship if we're able to get some kind of compromise out of it.

I had a small email exchange with Assiyeah the past couple of days. I didn't want her to think that I never wanted to talk to her again or would always be mad at her but that I just wasn't ready to see her or have a face-to-face conversation with her yet, that was my basic point. We have too much of a history together to just throw it away. Hopefully we can be friends someday.

Today? Not too many plans, chilling out, perhaps even going for a jog but I don't want to get carried away. I would like to do some more preparation for work next week because there is a lot of new classes starting and I gotta get ready for it but I'll worry about that tomorrow or the next day or whatever...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

840euro phone call

hey guys,

I got a phone call this afternoon from a company I did some work for in the late Spring and they called to have six more weeks from me. I was hoping for 10 weeks but "beggars" can't be choosers. That two-minute phone call essentially confirmed 840euros will be coming my late around February and that's good because that is when I am at my poorest usually.

I'm about two weeks away from booking my free flights (because of United Mileage plus) to California this summer. The idea is to fly to California, spend a week there and then fly to Central America, ideally into one airport like Panama City and out of another like San Salvador or something that like, go back to California for a week and then back to Germany. I'm looking at least 6 and more like 8 weeks gone if I can work it out with all of the jobs but we'll see. I do good stuff with the money I earn from work and I think the students respect that somehow.

I've been under the weather again, I think because of the weather change itself but I'll probably still have a beer or two while relaxing tonight. I have to wash the dishes now, clean out the freezer which is two-thirds ice and then chill. Going to IKEA tomorrow to buy 3 things: sheepskin rug, a mat for my rolling chair and a long mirror so I can see my precious body before going out each day. I know, I know, not too interesting but wanted to give ya'll something to read!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Open Mic Last Night

We played 4 songs, "Seconds" and a song from a Scandanavian death metal band (performed acoustically) and then the second time played "Choose Blues", a song that Alex wrote that is actually a good blues song with some country influence and then I ahem, rapped a song called "Nut" that I dedicated to "all the girls out there who like nuts". We did all right, it wasnt bad and it felt really to be on stage again. I have not been on a stage since 1997 perhaps. 10 freakin years man...

Chick A+ and I talked for a little while on the phone last night. We are slowly moving more towards a friendship but I am trying to slow the process down as much as possible, hahaahah! I think we can be good friends soon but I am hoping we can sort of have a similar relationship as we have had the past 6 weeks or so until she moves to Italy which could be in a month or six months. We are definitely meant to be friends but I have really enjoyed swimming in that middle ocean with that shark.

I have two 3-hour classes today and then a private lesson at 7pm at my place and then I have t play some game with my roommate so our other roommate can do some experiment on us or some shit. The weekend is coming, slowly but surely my friends...

p.s. Chick A+ self-annointed herself as a "shark", it wasn't my doing!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Open Mic tomorrow

My buddy Alex and I are going to perform a song or two Tuesday night at an open mic at an Irish pub in town. We used the lyrics from the poem "Seconds" and Alex had a sweet riff and some great melodies, I literally have the song in my head, it's great. "Cause you're -- two seconds away, two minutes away, two nights away". Good stuff.

I wrote 7 pages in my journal today. I am getting ready to start working on the new book soon. Chick A+ is typing some of my earlier journals and it's going to speed up the process. It's been a bit weird for me giving Chick A+ two of the most important journals of my life. I told her that I'd rather her break my heart than lose those journals. They are from the 7 months leading up to the move to germany and the first year of living in the first apartment together in Freiburg. A lot of important, personal shit in there. I was a little concerned because the 7 months leading up to Germany has a lot of flowery prose going on and on about Assiyeah but there are many reasons for that, the most obvious of course being that I was in love with her but there were other reasons as well. I needed to keep the love alive while we were apart for so long and I found that by pining and going on and on about my feelings for her would help keep it alive. It did. I just had to remind Chick A+ not to worry about all of the stuff I wrote about in there because it was 5 years ago. And the 2nd journal will have almost nothing to do with Assiyeah, it's just about my life in Freiburg getting started there.

It was a tough weekend for me, with Chick A+ being gone in Italy and Assiyeah's birthday. I felt some loneliness but I got through it fine and feel better today. There are still rough moments up ahead in life but things have been going well and I've got a lot of positive things going on in life. I hope to have more to tell you soon!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sunday sunday

Gregg and I were out until 3am. That's a little bit more normal for me than it is for him but regardless, we did a good job of having a good time. We also met a young American girl from Penn State here for a semester. It was funny for Gregg and I because she was still extremely fresh off the boat and couldn't really believe that we had been living there for years. I think Chick A+ can probably relate to that! haha

We were also in Cheers for a long time last night, and I'm glad I go there now, the bartenders know me and they are friendly and that's a good thing. I like the feeling of going in there, even if people are looking at me, like they did on friday, is that coming into the bar by himself and writing in his journal? Oh, he gave the bartender a handshake, maybe it's not so strange.

We had some funny conversations last night, Gregg and I, and we occasionally tried to get some German people involved but I think we were in our own little world and they couldn't really follow us but hey, we had a good time.

Plan today: clean room, do some lesson plans, jam a little music with Alex, probably go to football at O'Kellys for a bit and then home early for a good night's sleep. It's going to be a long week and I already have plans to go out on Monday and Tuesday. Oy vey! hahaah

Oh yeah, did I tell you I bought plane tickets to go home in mid-February? It's pretty sweet, I'm going home for 2 weeks at Xmas and then in mid-Feb I'll spend two weeks in southern California and then I worked it out so I have 5 days in San Francisco at the end. That is a very good thing. It's already been more than 2 years since I've been there and it's a city that I truly love and am fascinated by. Maybe I could stay a few days at my mom's cousin in Oakland, a great guy and an interesting family for sure.

Cheers!

Friday, October 12, 2007

357 String Band

Last night rocked, straight up. There was a band from Milwaukee in Swamp down below the apartment and they kicked ass, it was a mix of punk and bluegrass with some Americana influence as well in the harmonies. I was with a couple of friends and we ended up hanging out with the band and catching a buzz with them until nearly 3am and yes, today I'm feeling it.

Chick A+ left yesterday to go to Italy for 3 weeks. Seriously, we have been hanging out so much lately that I am not sure what to do today! haahah Of course I'm a little slow anyway because of last night so it's okay for today but the past few Saturdays we have had some of the best dates one could ever have and I would love for us to have one of those dates tomorrow but it ain't gonna happen. She's still waiting for the official invitation for her job interview but that will probably take place next week. She and I have gotten pretty close in the past 6 weeks, and she's someone I am very happy to know. We seem to understand (more or less:) that is) what we both want and need right now and it doesn't seem too much effort to give that to each other. I'm grateful for the time we've been hanging out. I might go visit her at the end of the month but it isn't sure.

One of the nicer restaurants in town wants to display some photos of mine for the winter. I had a meeting about that today and so now I'm going to pick out some photos to be enlarged.

I'm chillin on the bed, getting ready to watch a movie and I just wanna relax so that's what I'm gonna do.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

work and unwork

I made the most money I have ever made as a teacher yesterday, but only because two classes accidentally came at one time so we had the class simultaneously. I also lost a job yesterday, at least temporarily and while it isn't a big money earner for me, it's a shame because that is where I got to teach American History and also met the students who have helped me with my Freiburg exhibitions the past 3 years. Unfortunately not enough students signed up for the school this year. They might need me in January but it's not the worst thing in the world, it means my Wednesdays will be pretty light and that's okay because Tuesdays and Thursdays are gonna kick my ass!

Chick A+ is chillin in my bed reading some stuff she has for an oral exam tomorrow. It's a nice day here in Freiburg and I am super happy because I don't have to work again until Monday afternoon. I am going to organize my desk today and hang out with Chick A+ as much as possible because she's going to Italy tomorrow and will be there nearly a month. That sucks but she does have the job interview so I'm happy for her. We have been having some interesting discussions lately and it's been an experience to learn how another person thinks about things that are important. We don't always have the same opinion but I think we at least make an effort to understand each other and that's essential to having a successful connection with someone. We may not always actually understand the emotions or motivations of the other but at least we try to understand.

I mailed off my letter to the German Social Security and will probably hear something in the next weeks. Friday I have a meeting at a nice restaurant that wants to exhibit my photos for the winter and then I have a meeting at the school I don't technically work for anymore so my boss can show me how the new layout for the semester/trimester system will look and when/if they will need me to teach a block seminar, like maybe 4-6 hours on a Friday to cover a lot of information. Also on Friday I am going to IKEA to buy a sheepskin rug like Assiyeah used to have on a comfortable chair we have, a mirror and a thing to put on the ground so that my swivel chair doesn't move so much while I'm on it. Friday evening I am planning on meeting Alex and we are finally going to try and get a song together, maybe even try it at an open mic in the next weeks, that would be cool.

All right, back to life...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

F-ing National Rail

The English train system sucks. They were doing work on the tracks or some shit and so they had a bus connection that added 90 minutes to the journey. I would have missed my flight so I had to take a taxi that cost 6oeuros, the second most expensive taxi of my life (May 2005, 180euros from Heidelberg to Frankfurt-Hahn airport takes the cake) but I didn't have to pay for accomodation while there so I guess it all equalled out.

I had the first day of a new semester at Furtwangen, that is a tough bunch to teach but I will try and stay positive and do something good with the money I make there.

I hung out with Chick A+ last night and tonight and we will see each other at open mic tomorrow night. She's leaving Thursday to go home for her interview and because it is the semester break and it will be tough without her because we have been having such a good time hanging out. I guess I will try and actually get some work done in that time.

Well, that's about it for now, just wanted to thank Maya and Arianna for their generosity and hospitality and looking forward to seeing them next month.

It's 12.54am and I gotta get up at 8.45am so I guess it's time for bed now.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Wax

You know you are having too much fun in a public establishment when you start pouring wax on your hands to demonstrate that the feeling of pain going away is one of the best feelings there is. My backpack is now coated in the remnants of lots of dripped wax and I guess I was feeling pretty good because the wax didnt feel as hot as it normally does.

I saw Windsor Castle yesterday after a nice 20 minute walk to Eton, the place where a famous boys school is. Aldous Huxley went to school there. It was charming, with a long street with small houses of varying colors of dark brick and young men in tuxedos with long coattails, a tradition for the students of that school. I had a coffee at a small cafe with warm sunshine and I wrote in my journal, penned yet another poem, this one called My Right Shoe and then walked back to Mayas before meeting her at the train station to go into the city.

We had to stand on the train and the guy sitting next to Maya was a lawyer whose client had been arrested with a sizeable amount of heroin on him and 700 pounds cash. We know this because he had a conversation on the phone with someone and we could hear everything. Upon arriving in London, we could only go one tube stop because of delays. We met a girl who had just lived in Paris for a year as an exchange student, had also lived in Bremen and was going with her boyfriend that night to the Manu Chao concert. We waited and waited for the next subway and eventually made it to Ariannas place. We bought a variety of beers and Arianna proceeded to cook us some kick ass pasta sauce while watching Scrubs on TV.

After dinner we walked about 10 minutes to an old warehouse turned bar called Smithys. We got a good table in the middle of the place and stayed for the next 4+ hours. A round of drinks (pinot grigio, cab sauvignon and two pints) cost 15.70 pounds. That is roughly 31 dollars for 4 drinks! But the vibe was nice and we had a good time, remember the wax on the hands? That was in that place.

Maya and her coworker Jan and I tried to get a taxi to Paddington station but it took a little while to find one but we got there and just in time too, 15 minutes before the last main train went to Slough. There was a wide range of drunk people on the train, very interesting to say the least. Maya and I had leftover pasta and bread at 2.30am before having a tough night of sleep. Today I am slow and we just ordered 19 pounds worth of Indian food to be brought to our feet. I hope it comes soon, I am hungry and my feet are cold.

I will be back in Freiburg around 6pm on Sunday. Chick A+ is most likely gonna meet me at the train station and we are going to get some dinner at Walfisch and chill out at my place. I have to work on Monday but I am getting picked up at 12.10pm so it is not too bad. I miss Chick A+, it is amazing how good a time we have been having lately and she is quickly becoming someone important to me but more on all that later. We are watching America Dad now so...

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Slough and Chick A+ update

I am in Slough. Yes, it is amazing. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Yes, it is cool to hang with Maya but that part I mean. Right now we are watching American Dad and chilling.

I went to the British Museum with Arianna and saw the Rosetta Stone, some mummies and improbable jewelry.

Chick A+ update: she has a job interview next week in Italy at the EU-agency she worked at 2 years ago. She isnt sure she can take the job because she is still holding out for a permanent position in the EU. The interview is for a 2 or 3 year position. If she can get them to wait until next year she could potentially get a 6 year position. I am really happy for her. It is difficult, however, because I love hanging out with her. She is one of the funnest girls I have ever met and we have a great time together. Of course there is the part of me that wants her to stay in Freiburg as long as possible so that we can spend more time together. But I am a mature (somewhat) man and she is someone who I want to support in all her endeavors. I want what will make her happy.

This whole experience the past two months has been eye opening. I never thought that I would be single again. The thought more or less had never really honestly crossed my mind. I was lucky to get a chance to go the States, away from the whole situation, come back with Assiyeahs stuff gone and a date 3 hours after getting back. The girl was dating someone else but that was ending. I was just getting out of a relationship, doing much better spiritually than anyone could have possibly imagined (including myself), and I know that for some reason I have been able to recover at an alarming speed. Did that make me heartless or uncaring? Was I really avoiding thinking of the reality of the situation? No and no. I just had to turn off one long-standing emotion and I did it very well. The fact that I liked my life and myself in general, that I still lived in my favorite place on earth and now had some unbelievable chick wanting to hang with me, I realized that I was gonna be okay. There are still important things that I want to work on in my life (exercising, my art, etc) but I am a people-person and I am pretty personable and love meeting new people. I have good things going on in my life.

Conversely, I dont have the same reason to stay in Freiburg but I still have reasons to stay, my work, the town itself, my art, the language, friends, etc but I could do and go wherever I want. That is an exciting possibility and I will at least have my ear to the ground but for now I am still in Freiburg. My life is open. That could scare some people but it is really exciting to me.

But I also know that I want to share all that beauty with someone. I am sure that I could have fun with some girls and that will probably still happen but in the end I hope to have someone, the same person to wake up with everyday and have all those triumphs and occasional tragedies with one person. Maybe everybody wants that, I have no idea, I just know what I want (but that is always subject to change and is open to interpration) and I am going to pursue my goals and dreams. I cant wait to see who crosses that path and also where in the world the path leads me. I am glad that Chick A+ is a part of it now and I cherish each moment I have with her. And who knows, maybe someday in the near future I will visit her in some other country, speaking some other language. My life is exciting and she is definitely a part of that. I can only thank her by supporting her in whatever she does if it makes her happy. And kiss her as long as we live in the same town, maybe longer! hahah, oh life, you are so good to me but make it last, life, make it last!

I am going to visit Windsor Castle tomorrow, read my book and write a poem and soak up some of this good weather we are having in England. I now know that I am not a big fan of England. Of course London is cool, and it is great to see Arianna and Maya but this is not a country that has the kind of culture that excites me. I like to get more out of it in its current state but England has more a sense of past glories. This is where Southern Europe excites me more because there is more of a sense of living history and the people live more for life than for "success".

Anyway, this may not have been the most interesting of blog posts but they were some thoughts I was having and I thought some of you might enjoy it. As always, I will keep ya updated!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

London

I made it, cheerio!

It was tough leaving Chick A+ this morning, it feels so natural spending time with her, like how could I possibly want to do anything else with my time but hang with her. We had dinner at Cheers last night and then went over to Cafe Journal to see Carolin and we met up with Kai and Rebecca (both teachers at the university as well) for some drinks. I think it was a "cool" thing for Chick A+ to hang with teachers from the uni and listen to us babble and many inconsequential things, not to mention how unbelievably cute Rebecca's Welsh accent is. We hung there until about 10.30 and then made it back to my place to watch some tv and hang. We had a pizza at 2am. It's funny, but just sitting there and eating a pizza with her in the dead of night is perfect, you can't imagine how the girl can somehow make you feel like there is no world outside of the moment you're sharing with her, it's a great feeling.

We woke up around 10am and had some coffee and lounged in bed for 2 hours, even watching another episode of My Name is Earl, a show that is new to her but she liked right away which made me happy because it's a fantastic show.

We walked into town around 12.15, had fish sandwiches and then she escorted me to the train station so I could catch my bus to the airport. The bus and wait and flight were fairly uneventful and I had to pay 45euros for the train/subway IN/OUT of London from the airport but it was much faster than the bus would have been. The bus would have been about 25-30euros and I'm thinking, why not spend 20 more euros and get more life out of your experience so I did.

I made it Arianna's after being lost for 10 minutes and a few minutes are me Maya showed up. We hadn't seen each other since my photo exhibition in July in Freiburg so it was great to see my best friend in Europe (although Chick A+ has been becoming that person for me lately). We immediately went off to a pub called The Easton which had a great vibe and good beers on tap but it was 5euros/pint, roughly 40percent more expensive than in Freiburg (but Arianna paid for the drinks, god bless her generous soul!). We had two drinks and then Arianna's husband showed up and we went to Strada to have some dinner. Maya and I split a pizza and salad and we drank some Italian beer (Peroni?) and then after dinner we walked back here and Maya went to the subway to make her way back home. It was a relatively mellow evening but a great time with friends. I haven't been to London since March 2006 and it's been great to see Arianna and Edward, who is now sporting sweet muttonchop sideburns!

Tomorrow I'm going to the British Museum and then will stay in the living room at Maya's the next two nights, hope to catch a buzz, maybe buy a cool little souvenir for Chick A+ and buy a book or two. I have a somewhat busy week or work next week but on Friday Chick A+ and I are going to France for a night or two. I am unbelievably excited about it. We have a great time together in Freiburg, a town she's not even that hip on so just imagine how great it could be in a foreign country away from everyone we know...Awesome!

ciao!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I'm on vacation yet again, baby!

I'm out of control but that is true on so many levels. The past few years I have taken my life to the next level and that is basically live at will. I want to go on holiday, I go. I want to do a photo exhibition, I do it. I want to do a small fashion show, I do it. I want another job, I do it. Now there are other things I could be doing but I love how I've been spending my time. Take today for example:

I was up around 8am, earlier than I needed but I was just awake somehow. I checked some emails and news from around the world and then went to work at 9am, teaching the lawyers from 9.30-10.30am. I went to a travel agent and got a new student ID for 2007/2008 even though I'm not a student, went to a company to drop off an invoice worth a whopping 46euros, then to the bank to get some Pounds for my trip to England tomorrow, then to Migros to buy some special chocolate for Chick A+ and then to a store that has a lot of kitschy stuff in it to buy her a rainbow lei to celebrate her finishing her important French presentation she had today. Then I met this Dutch guy Joris at Art Cafe and we had a cup of coffee. He's the only person in the world I have couchsurfed with two times and it's cool to see him in my neck of the woods finally. While there we saw Carolin of New York and Mooney fame and then we walked to the Muenster where we walked around, checked out the local scene, seeing an old university student of mine who was just in Costa Rica for a year and then the owner of Jos Fritz where I had my last photo exhibition in Freiburg in July. We met up with Chick A+ at 12.30 and had to wait an eternity to get a sausage at a popular place at the Munster but it was totally worth it. We left Joris there and Chick A+ and I walked back to my place where we stopped off and bought a six-pack of beer and drank two of them in my "new room", listened to music, just chilled out and then we watched a scene from Caddyshack and then a Friends episode and then she just went home to take a nap and take care of some personal business like sending a resume to a friend about getting a part-time job. Now I have two hours to chill more, finish packing for London and maybe lie down and read for awhile.

I'll be in London from Wed to Sunday. It will be my 5th or 6th time there and I don't plan on doing any touristy shit per se, hell I'm not even bringing my camera. I'm mostly going to visit Maya and Arianna, have some beers, speak a lot of English (like I haven't been lately! hahah) and just have a good time. I have a pretty full work schedule next week and then Chick A+ and I are planning on going across the Rhein river to the Alsace region of France for a night or two. I'm pretty excited about it, to see how we travel together because that's always an important sign/step to any friendship/something more. But I feel very comfortable around her and love making her laugh and find her opinions about shit often quite fascinating because they are either different from mine or it's about something that I've never thought about before.

I'm going to read more of my book on the Spanish Inquisition on my new bed and relax. What are you doing on Tuesday at 3.51pm?

cheers

Monday, October 01, 2007

A Stay of Execution

hey folks,

A beautiful Monday afternoon to ya'll, there's much to tell so here goes...

My date with Chick A+ lasted from Saturday 6pm until Monday at 2am. Of course the last 30 minutes or so of the date I was asleep but I'm sure I was still good company, right? There was some drama, some lovin', some good food, some drinks, a nice walk, good conversation and straight bonding. It was yet another amazing date with Chick A+. We've had about 4-5 of these epic dates where it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist except to entertain us in the form of a bar, or 2-dimensional beings walking past us as we float through our evening.

I was up at 7.55am this morning, exhausted as hell. Your faithful confidant needs a good night sleep tonight and his chances of getting it are quite good because his IKEA shit finally arrived! Yeah!!! I've got me a new bed (although it's a bit loud on bouncing, I hope that disturb the roomies, hahahaha), a swivel chair, a small table, and a small bookshelf. My roommate Lena helped me put together the bed and that was really cool of her. I'm looking forward to sleeping on it tonight and I've got a date with Chick A+ tomorrow after her presentation is over and I'm hoping we get a chance to uh, break it in by having a good night sleep on it. :)

I went to the Foreign Authorities this morning (Auslaenderbehoerde) to get another 90-day extension to my life here in Deutschland. Needless to say, I was quite disturbed by how many people were already there when I arrived at 8.20am. I ended up waiting for over 3 hours with people from countries all over the world. I think I was the only "white western" person waiting in that hallway. I read my book, wrote a poem and waited patiently. I finally got my turn and got another 90 days to live here. It's good until the end of the year. What a relief. One less thing to worry about for awhile, hahahaha.

I've got the bed put together but still 3 more things to put together so I'm gonna get started but now I can finally begin to start decorating my room so it's exactly how I want it. What I want. I want I want Iwant. I've entered an even more selfish period of my life for the past two months and I'm sure how long it will last but for anyone who knows, I'm already a pretty self-involved, selfish person but it's been worse lately. I haven't been hanging with friends lately, just working and hanging with Chick A+. I want to start going jogging again, working on my proposal for the next book which is the blog's namesake and get my photography together for another exhibition in December at Oma's Kueche and at the Groovement Festival. I have the two bands signed up for sure and hopefully Alex and I will write a couple of songs and learn some covers so we can perform a bit for the people while the bands are changing equipment.

All right, back to the salt mines, I got a new life to create!